It’s such a strange world we navigate.

There is work…drop the anchor, hoist the anchor, smile, laugh, carry the tanks, drive the boat, long for the shore, bioluminescence fading into the Milky Way, storm on the horizon, yelling, adrenaline, sunburn, windburn, hot tea, cold night, heaving deck, heaving passengers, wet lines, salty everything, clear water, foggy night fading into darkness, green glow of radar, muffled voices, soft bunk.

There are friends….vivid patterns, golden ales, dogs of all shapes and sizes,walks in the sand, glistening sushi, cooking foreign things, crying, laughing, trouble, he said, she said, grinning into hands, music, more music, driving, curving roads, hot sake, love, hardship, abandon, restraint.

Family…homeless sister, bad hearts, getting older, memories, long phone calls, understanding, divorce stigma, love, appreciation, clear rivers, dry mountains, old photographs, all the food, stories, perception, roots.

Love…pain, regret, vulnerability, beauty, mortality, loss, solitude, naive, broken, memories, dreams.

Books. Podcasts. Paints. Brushes. Articles. Bicycles. Camping. Walking. Guitar. Yoga. More yoga. Insights. Mindfulness. Tea. Poetry. Dawn. Stars. Passion. Presence. Compassion. Empathy. Praying. Mantra. Learning to love yourself, in theory. In practice.


Productive day

Had a beautiful little walk at Hendrys this morning, then Breakfast with Simon. Then I turned over a completely new leaf in self care today, had an amazing hour and a half session of physical therapy that did wonders for my leg, learned a great new way to stretch my hip flexor, was able to put heat on my hip, and then got to learn a bunch of new exercises to help me strengthen my upper back and improve my posture. Bought some Maca powder for smoothies and new vitamins to help my calcium intake and help balance my pesca-vegan diet.Then I did an amazing bike ride to Goleta and back from Simons. Had a salad at the Brewhouse with my friends, did a four mile loop around the Harbor and Leadbedder. Shower, stretch session, now bed and up just after three to cast off lines and head out to sea. I feel really happy. My Oregon vacation was like a big reboot. I feel more motivated than I have this whole year. Time to resume operation kick ass.

He sketches a painting

In bold shades

And I realize 

He’s thought a lot about this

Imagined it all unfolding

In his quiet hours

That flash of insight

A deep compliment 

From a man

Cut off from the world.

 He wouldn’t settle for pastels

Heart set on something raw and vivid

He stilled my hands ache

For quick lines, for fast paints,

With a firm hand he draws the shades

And illuminates the canvas,

Denying the shadows I crave.

Wanting to mend colors

I stopped seeing years ago.

He paints and I can see it

For a beautiful instant

The open road and the trees,

The girl laughing and

His boyish grin by the river.

He sees a masterpiece 

And won’t settle for 

My charcoal drawings

Painted from the ashes of

The pictures I burned

Along the way.

As I fell asleep last night, I awoke twice to the jerking of my hand and arm, setting the hook into trout lips in my dreams, the act of pulling the line taught waking me as my arm crashed into pillows. My mind runs tonight, sleep an elusive suggestion in the periphery. 

Testament of a Fisherman

Testament of a Fisherman
“I fish because I love to; because I love the environs that trout are found, which are invariably beautiful, and hate the environs where crowds of people are found, which are invariably ugly; because of all the television commercials, cocktail parties and assorted social posturing I thus escape; because, in a world where most men spend their lives doing things they hate, my fishing is at once an endless source of delight and an act of small rebellion; because trout do not lie or cheat and cannot be bought or bribed or impressed by power, but respond only to quietude and humility and endless patience; because I suspect that men are going along this way for the last time, and I for one don’t want to waste the trip; because mercifully there are no telephones on fishing waters; because only in the woods can I find solitude without loneliness; because bourbon out of an old tin cup tastes better out there; because maybe someday I will
catch a mermaid; and, finally, not because I regard fishing as being so terribly important but because I suspect that so many other concerns of men are equally unimportant — and not nearly so much fun” 

John Voelker, aka Robert Traver

Last night I dreamt about an amazing beach covered in beautiful Seaglass stoppers and ancient intact sea glass bottles, every color under the sun. It was ridiculously awesome.

So far today I have slammed my head into a tree branch and an engine room hatch, slammed my little toe in a car door, caught my wrist on a metal bracket, and almost impaled my ankle on a jagged stump. I’m afraid to go anywhere else…. Universe 5:Jessie 0